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Topic: Barnacle Bill the Sailor


#1
NellieotAmerica - 28 Feb 2009 // 18:50:47

You are a very irritating man. Saint Bill the Good. You are a prince among men! The day for such men is past, we won't see your like again. You are like the unexciting prize catch that old ladies try to foist on young ladies. Bill is a most suitable name for you. A good, solid, respectable name; strong without being macho, sober and serious without being too stuffy. Bill is such a standard, dependable name that even fortune tellers have found use for it. The con artist clairvoyant warns, "Beware of Bill!" She realizes that everyone knows lots of Bills, so she couldn't miss.

There is nothing wrong with you. In fact, there is everything right with you. You are good-looking without being too handsome, intelligent without being dazzling or overbearing, well bred and educated. You had a good job, a good future, a good disposition, good health, good teeth, and good arches. You are the type that hostesses of yesteryear meant when they said, "Bring your young man" because a person can take you anywhere. You are also the "extra man" that every hostess craves. you are clean-cut, well dressed, honorable, patient, articulate, kind, brave, reverent and punctual.

Life with you would be one long guilt trip. A woman finds herself thinking:"He's so kind, decent....why can't I like him? Any woman who is honorable, patient, kind, brave, and reverent would like Bill, but I don't. There must be something wrong with me. Any woman who does not like Bill has no future, only a past. Any woman who doesn't like Bill must be a terrible person. Therefore, I am a terrible person."

#2
NellieotAmerica - 28 Feb 2009 // 23:41:15

Bill

You are not real. You are an artificial intelligence experiment gone wrong. Very, very wrong. My cyberspace fantasy of you is more real to me than you are in all your meatspace reality. Piss off and let me enjoy my fantasy. I am writing it because it is entertaining to me, not for you to read. Don't read it, it is no skin off my nose.

We are living in an age of men in distress. The televised political scandals have just about destroyed the male's old feelings of manly dignity. Men were roasted in the Rump Parliament and the Spartan Council of Ephors, too, but there was no media then, so women did not see sweat-dappled male brows or hear fear-tinted male voices. Today's American woman has a steady diet of wilted men for her edification, and men know it.

I don't particularly care about getting more women into office. I would settle for more MEN. America's love affair with the lowest common denominator has killed the princely image. Elected officials have been floundering buffoons and melancholic small-town Rasputins. There are no men to steer the blood or make the heart beat faster.

#3
NellieotAmerica - 28 Feb 2009 // 23:59:54

Bill

"Take an aircraft carrier for example. They're much larger now, but in "my day" they had a crew of 4,000 men before you add the flight squadrons and the Admiral's staff. You put a couple of women on board, you're going to have fights. Animal magnetism can't be stopped. Some of the men are going to be "getting it all", while a few thousand aren't."

That wouldn't happen if you had equal numbers of men and women.

#4
Bill - 1 Mar 2009 // 00:11:28

Nellie:

Now you're getting childish as well. Even if you did have an equal number, there would be the matters of taste and preference. You couldn't guarantee that each man would want a particular partner. Suppose fifty want the same one?

Besides that, there are relatively few women who want or are qualified for sea duty. There are some technicians, even pilots, but most of the women are in administrative work, and mostly on shore.

Face the fact that you don't know a damned thing about life on the water--deep water. The little raft you float on doesn't qualify.

#5
NellieotAmerica - 1 Mar 2009 // 00:24:35

Bill

"Now you're getting childish as well. Even if you did have an equal number, there would be the matters of taste and preference. You couldn't guarantee that each man would want a particular partner. Suppose fifty want the same one?"

Doesn't this happen in real life? Every man wants to date Sharon Stone, but since they can't all have her, they settle for the women who are available.

"Besides that, there are relatively few women who want or are qualified for sea duty. There are some technicians, even pilots, but most of the women are in administrative work, and mostly on shore."

Now this may well be the real reason. No woman is sufficiently masochistic to want to live on a ship for any length of time. I know I couldn't. A floating jail.

"Face the fact that you don't know a damned thing about life on the water--deep water. The little raft you float on doesn't qualify."

HUH? You lost me, boyfriend. I don't own any flotation devices. lol

#6
Bill - 1 Mar 2009 // 00:31:51

Nellie:

"I don't own any flotation devices....."

A couple of other things you don't own:

A sense if decebcy
Courtesy
Civility
Morals
Restraint
Sense

#7
NellieotAmerica - 1 Mar 2009 // 00:46:43

Bill

"A couple of other things you don't own:

A sense if decebcy
Courtesy
Civility
Morals
Restraint
Sense"

Only in cyberspace and only because you don't "get" me. Whoever said you should take anything I say with a grain of salt because I am being sarcastic and provocative most of the time was on the right track. This person "gets" me. In meatspace, I am a model of decorum, civility, restraint and morality.

You, on the other hand, are Saint Bill the Good.

#8
Eurotourist - 1 Mar 2009 // 02:03:09

Willy Wonkie,

Only a Mormon would list six things as "a couple".

#9
Bill - 1 Mar 2009 // 02:07:09

Wueoroueiar:

Another senseless criticism from you, as though you have nothing better to do. In modern usage, "couple" and "a few" can be used interchangeably.

And even if it is wrong, why blame the Church? Just out of sarcasm. Your trademark.

#10
Bill - 1 Mar 2009 // 02:08:32

Sorry. Should have proofread better. Didn't look at the salutation.

#11
NellieotAmerica - 1 Mar 2009 // 05:34:25

@Bill

No one is blaming the Church for anything. Eurotrash is lampooning the Church for their old practice of plural marriages. A man and five wives is a couple. lol

I just watched a movie on DVD - The Work and the Glory - American Zion. Yes, you guessed it - about the early Mormons, when they were kicked out of Missouri. Clearly I am not the only one who thinks Jo Smith was a crook and a swindler. He had his arse kicked out of Ohio, Missouri, Pennsylvania. A popular, well respected pillar of society. lol

@Eurotrash

That was funny, dude!

#12
NellieotAmerica - 1 Mar 2009 // 05:57:33

Bill

Did Joseph Smith have more than one wife while he was alive?

Absolutely. Just check Joseph Smith's official church marriage record at www.familysearch.org.

Faithful LDS member and historian Todd Compton has found solid documentation for Smith marriages to 33 women while he was alive. True, many more were sealed to him after his death, but Smith had at least 33 wives while he was alive.

Compton Writes:
"In the group of Smith's well-documented wives, eleven (33 percent) were 14 to 20 years old when they married him. Nine wives (27 percent) were twenty-one to thirty years old. Eight wives (24 percent) were in Smith's own peer group, ages thirty-one to forty. In the group aged forty-one to fifty, there is a substantial drop off: two wives, or 6 percent, and three (9 percent) in the group aged fifty-one to sixty."

"The teenage representation is the largest, though the twenty-year and thirty-year groups are comparable, which contradicts the Mormon folk-wisdom that sees the beginnings of polygamy was an attempt to care for older, unattached women. These data suggest that sexual attraction was an important part of the motivation for Smith's polygamy. In fact, the command to multiply and replenish the earth was part of the polygamy theology, so non-sexual marriage was generally not in the polygamous program, as Smith taught it."

#13
NellieotAmerica - 1 Mar 2009 // 06:12:08

Bill

There is another piece of evidence you might consider in examining Joseph Smith's sexual behavior. The following excerpt is from a love letter Joseph Smith wrote when he wanted to arrange a liaison with Newel K. Whitney's daughter Sarah Ann, whom Smith had secretly "married." It reveals Smith's cloak-and-dagger approach to his extramarital affairs:

"... the only thing to be careful of; is to find out when Emma comes then you cannot be safe, but when she is not here, there is the most perfect safty. ... Only be careful to escape observation, as much as possible, I know it is a heroick undertakeing; but so much the greater friendship, and the more Joy, when I see you I will tell you all my plans, I cannot write them on paper, burn this letter as soon as you read it; keep all locked up in your breasts, my life depends upon it. ... I close my letter, I think Emma wont come tonight if she dont, dont fail to come to night, I subscribe myself your most obedient, and affectionate, companion, and friend. Joseph Smith."

- Joseph Smith Handwritten Letter, http://www.xmission.com/~research/family/strange.htm

Read the detailed history of each of Joseph Smith's 33 plural wives in LDS member and historian Todd Compton's book In Sacred Loneliness. This book is sold at Deseret Book, the BYU bookstore and online at Amazon.com.

So, Bill, what are you saving yourself for? Your prophets and your saints were horny bastards. You are talking the talk, but you are not walking the walk. You can't be a very good Mormon Saint. No wonder you are not temple-worthy.

#14
Bill - 1 Mar 2009 // 09:32:33

Nellie:

I just have one queston for you:

You obviously spend a lot of time googling for anything you can find to denigrate the Church--and me. Why? Is it some kind of obsession with you?

I know what I know, and I know how I learned it, so nothing you can write is going to affect my opinion one bit It's all wasted effort.

And I can't see where other forum members are interested in all this tirade from you, either.

Whether I'm "temple-worthy" or not is sheer guesswork on your part anyway.

#15
NellieotAmerica - 1 Mar 2009 // 16:40:04

Bill

"Whether I'm "temple-worthy" or not is sheer guesswork on your part anyway."

Everything about you is sheer guesswork, because you don't exist, you are an artificial intelligence experiment on this forum.

Everything about you is guesswork because you are secret and self-contained like an oyster.

As for the Church - a bunch of dirt farmers pretending to be prophets and saints. Oh, please! Give me a break! I am done with them I think. My next deconstruction project will be the Quakers. Or the Amish.

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