Using Words of Affirmation in Your Relationship: Best Tips
Learn how to use words of affirmation to take your relationship to the next level. Master this love language with our top tips, advice, and examples.
Dr. Gary Chapman's bestselling book, The 5 Love Languages, has helped millions of readers discover their love languages, one of which is words of affirmation.
Understanding these love languages and how to use them can empower couples, as it allows them to express and receive love in ways that strengthen their relationship. It's all about meeting each other's needs through effective communication.
If you or your partner's love language is words of affirmation, or you’d like to give them a try, then these tips will cover everything you need to know.
By learning about words of affirmation, you can use the power of spoken and written words to elevate the feelings of love and affection in your relationship. Also, you can find out how online therapy can help you improve your relationships.
Words of affirmation are all about showing your partner how much you love, care, and appreciate them, either by saying it or writing them a message.
Essentially, they're positive words and phrases used to uplift, support, and show your love for your partner. Not everybody's love language is words of affirmation, but words mean a lot and have a powerful effect on those it is.
Using words of affirmation could be as simple as telling your partner how attractive they look or encouraging them before work, but the remarks must always be genuine.
You should also be aware that when someone's love language is words of affirmation, they also tend to be more sensitive to negative comments or criticism. So, be mindful and choose your words wisely!
Of these, each person will have one or two primary love languages.
So that begs the question, how can you tell if words of affirmation is one of yours? How can you know if it’s your partner's love language?
Well, if you or your partner answer yes to most of the questions below, there's a good chance it could be:
Are spontaneous, loving text messages more meaningful to you than hugs and kisses?
Does being told "I love you" make your heart melt more than a thoughtful gift?
Do genuine compliments mean more to you than helpful, caring actions?
Is verbal encouragement and support from a loved one more significant to you than spending quality time together?
Overall, it's just about experimenting and figuring out which types of expression are most meaningful and bring the most joy.
And even if words of affirmation is not one of your main love languages, most people still appreciate thoughtful remarks and genuine compliments.
So, you either know words of affirmation is one of your partner's love languages, or you want to try them to find out. But, you're a bit unsure how to use them, or maybe you’re afraid because words don't always come naturally to you.
Well, fear not, as the tips below will help ensure your words of affirmation always come across the right way:
Words of affirmation only count when you mean them. When moments arise where you genuinely feel positive towards your partner in some way, let them know, don't let the opportunities pass.
If you think your partner's outfit looks great, say it; if you appreciate something they did, tell them. When you say things from the heart, they will naturally come off well.
Sure, we all have flaws, and we all make mistakes, but criticizing your partner too much will only knock their confidence.
Use your words of affirmation to uplift your partner, highlight their strengths, be empathetic, and celebrate everything you love about them. This raises their self-esteem and provides a needed boost when they're feeling down.
Words of affirmation don't always have to be spoken. Send a spontaneous text message to show your love, leave a sweet note somewhere to be discovered, or write them a poem; there are plenty of creative ways to deliver your words of affirmation.
Don't also forget to give compliments in front of others. Publicly displaying your support is sure to warm their hearts and shows you've got their back.
If words of affirmation is your partner's love language, using them once per week just isn't going to be enough to fill their appetite.
Instead, it would be best if you aimed to use them daily. Don't worry. They're not going to grow tired of hearing you, especially if you can find fun and creative ways to express your love.
Now, words of affirmation must always be personalized and genuine, so repeating from a script just won’t do.
That said, writing down some ideas you have or taking inspiration from some of ours can still help you get in the right state of mind, ready to seize opportunities when they come.
Below we’ve listed some examples for different types of words of affirmation you can use for inspiration.
Compliments will make your partner feel good, and they'll want to spend more time with you. Giving genuine compliments requires you to notice the good in your partner, which also helps you become a more positive person.
Not sure how to give a compliment? Here are a few ideas:
"Is that a new outfit? Damn, you look gorgeous!"
"Your mind is as sexy as your body."
"I miss your smile; I can't wait to see you again soon."
Words of affirmation are an excellent way to show your appreciation for your partner. Expressing gratitude is a win-win situation; it uplifts your partner, strengthens your bond, improves intimacy, and even improves your well-being.
Here are some examples:
“You always make me feel good, even on bad days; I really appreciate that.”
“Thank you for being such a great mom/dad to our kids and a caring partner.”
“Every day, I laugh when I'm with you. I'm grateful for that.”
Nobody thrives on negative criticism, especially those whose love language is words of affirmation. Choose your words carefully, be cheerful and kind as much as you can, and offer plenty of encouragement.
Here are a few examples to get you going:
"That was great; you've got this, go get 'em, tiger!"
"Every day, I'm inspired by what you're doing. Keep going; I'm here rooting for you!"
"I know it's going to be tough over the next few weeks, but we have each other. We'll get through this; you have my full support."
When used right, words of affirmation can help you create an even stronger relationship, especially when it’s one of your love languages.
Hopefully, the tips and advice in this article have given you plenty of ideas and inspiration. All that’s left now is for you and your partner to try them!
If you’d like to speak with someone one-on-one about relationship issues, Calmerry online counselors are always ready to give professional, helpful advice when you need it.
Author: Kate Skurat has a B.S. in Psychology and an M.A. in Clinical Psychology from Pepperdine University and has been working in healthcare since 2017. She mainly treated depression, anxiety, eating disorders, trauma, grief, identity, relationship, and adjustment issues. Her clinical experience is focused on individual and group counseling.
Follow Kate here: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kate-skurat-5348381b9/
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