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Topic: And that's when the fight started.....


#1
Rollingstoned - 18 Jan 2009 // 23:07:43

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a scale..
And then the fight started...

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started...

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
And then the fight started...

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My heavns!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's darn near perfect.'
And then the fight started.....

#2
Rollingstoned - 18 Jan 2009 // 23:09:08

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14..95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And then the fight started....

My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday
and then the fight started.....

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.
Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.
The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'My heavens! That must be my husband!'
So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.
A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'
The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'
And then the fight started.....

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary? "
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And that's when the fight started....

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started...

#3
Bill - 18 Jan 2009 // 23:10:45

Rolli:

Beautiful! Where did you find them?

#4
xNELLIEx - 19 Jan 2009 // 01:40:52

Yes, Rolli

That's me and Bill after we had been married for a few years. lol

#5
Rollingstoned - 19 Jan 2009 // 23:20:10

No, xNELLIEx,

Pardon me, but I think, that's you and Bill after you have been married for a few moments. ;-p

I do wish you both, the best though and I hope you both have happy moments and happy endings.

"I have a dream"

Is it some sort of "holiday" today?
And is there some sort of "celebration", tomorrow?

Let's just say, Nazdravei and be done with it.

Got MiLK?

#6
xNELLIEx - 19 Jan 2009 // 23:57:40

Rolli

I got no MiLK, I am lactose-intolerant. You can keep your MiLK to yourself. lol

#7
Karnak76 - 20 Jan 2009 // 08:08:17

Nellie and Bill?????? ;-) wtf....

#8
Bill - 20 Jan 2009 // 10:54:21

Rolli (and others)

Please get off of this "marriage" kick between me and Nellie. It's too personal, absurd and embarrassing.

Unless, of course, you're deliberately trying to be offensive.

#9
viking - 20 Jan 2009 // 11:38:45

Bill,

When will you "grow up"?
Smellie and you?
What would her husband, Nick say if you showed up?
She has been putting you on from day one and you just cannot understand!

#10
Bill - 20 Jan 2009 // 12:00:46

viking:

I do understand. I'm just tired of it. I'm not a gamesman by nature, and I don't like being drawn into other people's games.

Don't you ever have anything pleasant to say?

#11
viking - 20 Jan 2009 // 12:21:34

"do I have anything nice to say?"

Yes, just not to you or Smellie!

#12
Bill - 20 Jan 2009 // 12:25:40

viking:

Well, if you don't have anything pleasant to say to me, the please say nothing at all. I've learned not to respect your opinions anyway.

#13
xNELLIEx - 20 Jan 2009 // 13:38:14

Bill and viking

Nick is NOT my husband, he is my dear friend whom I've known for years, he is like a friend to me. We enjoy each other's company - nothing remotely romantic - and he helps me around the back yard, like cutting grass and raking leaves. No involvement whatsoever. He is a confirmed bachelor type. He does not believe in marriage.

#14
xNELLIEx - 20 Jan 2009 // 13:40:36

viking

You are just jealous that I like Bill and I don't like you. Get over it and move on, why don't you? Or are you going to be a nasty little b!tch forever?

#15
xNELLIEx - 20 Jan 2009 // 14:02:37

Bill

"Please get off of this "marriage" kick between me and Nellie. It's too personal, absurd and embarrassing."

This is the too serious, passionately virginal and old maidenish Bill that I know and admire speaking!

I am not at all offended, I can make fun of marriage and married people endlessly. I don't think marriage is too personal or embarrassing to joke about, though it could be too absurd. However, being absurd makes it a prime target for humor.

Bill, marriage is SUCH a joke, it is so absurd, there is nothing sacred or serious about marriage. Marriage? Been there, done that - more than once. Don't take it so seriously, it is just a game.

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